Our Eppic Life
Our Eppic Life
eppisode-15
Ever wonder how couples navigate the chaotic waters of life, love, parenthood, and everything in-between? Well, buckle up! As we, your hosts, weave through our personal experiences - from hilarious shopping trips with our excitable kids to our unique fondness for checking credit card statements together - we promise you a journey that's real, relatable, and rewarding.
Have you ever pondered about your love language and how it influences your relationships? We certainly have and it has been a transformative journey for us. From physical touch to words of affirmation, gifts, quality time, and acts of service - we've seen it all evolve in our relationship. Balancing these love languages while raising our four wonderful kids has been quite the adventure, and we're thrilled to share our insights with you. We'll take you on a walk down memory lane, reflecting on our dating days and the first year of our marriage, highlighting how understanding and evolving our love languages have fortified our bond.
Brace yourself for some candid revelations about the impact of parenthood on our marriage. We've experienced the remarkable ways our kids enriched our lives, earning us a closer perspective on each other. It may not have been a smooth sail, but learning to create a space for us amidst the hustle of parenthood, has been a game-changer. From discussing our honeymoon phase, our differing opinions on raising boys, to the importance of communication and preparedness, we leave no stone unturned. Join us as we explore the role of faith in our union and how a trusted support system plays a crucial part in navigating this beautiful ride called marriage.
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Hey everyone, what You're just doing, it sort of like a rhythm. It's fine, hey everyone. What is up? fam and friends? Frams, tell you framers out there, welcome back. I think Big shout-outs. Jay, you are right Again.
Speaker 2:No shout outs this week, because you didn't ask, i was not right What?
Speaker 1:There's one, jonathan.
Speaker 2:Jonathan, that's Ryan's middle name, i think. I didn't write it down.
Speaker 1:Might not even be right. All right, that's cool podcast. Yes, we're a day late, but whatever, we had family issues to deal with, what were they? Medical issues with our daughter.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:So that took precedence over this, so sorry.
Speaker 2:Sorry, not sorry, yeah, a little bit.
Speaker 1:Today we're talking about all things marriage, obviously from our perspective and experience.
Speaker 2:Not from anyone else's perspective.
Speaker 1:But what was your highlight of the day or the week?
Speaker 2:I would say the drive home today from Calgary, because we had tunes blasted and everybody was asleep. I was just singing my songs.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, that was a good.
Speaker 2:I hope nobody can hear me eating this daily bar.
Speaker 1:He's got ice cream. Yeah, i would. I would agree. The highlight of today was just kind of being out with the family. Even though it started out with going to the hospital, we went to the mall after and stuff and just just quote unquote shopped with our kids, because it's very hard to do with the age group that we have of our children right now. It's fun, though. It's a lot of fun.
Speaker 2:We had a bunch of clothes. at where was it? Urban Planet.
Speaker 1:We had not a bunch of clothes, but some clothes, and we went to look like a lot on the stroller, but it wasn't and we were in line And I'm all.
Speaker 2:I'm like front of the line and Draven's bouncing back and forth. He's like I really gotta go to the bathroom.
Speaker 1:I'm like and I had already left with the girls at that point, because Zara was just our baby, is she's was, and Zara was popping off. She only had a 25 minute nap, so it was yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:So then I was like but we're at the top of the top of the line. And he's like I really gotta go.
Speaker 1:And I was like and he had already gone to the bathroom.
Speaker 2:Yeah, well, he had iced tea. It was right through. Yeah, it makes you pee So but I was just like, so I left the clothes there, left, ran to the bathroom, came back and there's like 16 people in front.
Speaker 1:I tried to go in and pay And then this cashier is like, oh, okay, well, you kind of got away And I was like, okay, whatever, no rush. And then, yeah, there was like 20 people in line And then she ends up opening the register that I was standing at And then you were already back by that point, but it was like, are you kidding me? Like you could have helped me. Whatever, it was fine.
Speaker 2:So we got our stuff No we got our stuff.
Speaker 1:It was fine, but that was really the only place that we shopped at, because there's our kids. Our kids were done, our kids were kids. Yep, it was good though Family time, so that was fun. That was the highlight. It was It was so hot though It was very hot.
Speaker 2:I bought a new wardrobe when I'm not a wardrobe.
Speaker 1:Not a wardrobe I bought a homey wardrobe.
Speaker 2:Wow, i bought a new outfit Tank top and shorts and stuff because I was dying Right Of heat. Yes, thank you. Well, you said there's family medical problems. Okay, i said with our daughter, though.
Speaker 1:Right Anyway, so let's jump right in to our first question. What are some things nonsexual that I do? I'm out That you like.
Speaker 2:Is that a question to me?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'll answer vice versa, cascasse.
Speaker 2:Bonjour, bonjour.
Speaker 1:So I'll repeat the question, because you're not focusing. What are some things that I do that you like? Nonsexual?
Speaker 2:Nonsexual Things that you do that I like.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Remove sex from it. No sexo, okay, that's Got it. That's Spanish for sex. Okay, that's a tough one. Oh, thank you. Now ask me the things that I love you.
Speaker 1:No, no, no no, no, i got. No, we can't.
Speaker 2:I would say What's wrong?
Speaker 1:It keeps going red, so just don't be so loud. Keeps being red on both of us.
Speaker 2:Okay, don't be so intense Rock and roll. She's talking about the audio meter.
Speaker 1:Our microphones, yeah, Can you? seriously not think of anything. No no let me get there.
Speaker 2:I love when I come home and everything is clean. That's probably my favorite thing that you do for me, because the question is what you do for me, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, So you keep the house nice and clean for me. You make supper for me every now and then Um you always have laundry.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, that's the thing is.
Speaker 2:I don't just want to say like oh, i just enjoy how you're just a housewife, but I truly am appreciative of the housewife things that you do, yeah, and I love that you do them, because I wouldn't.
Speaker 1:Well, you don't, not in a rude way, but you don't.
Speaker 2:That's not a man's job.
Speaker 1:Oh, wow, um, yeah, um. I really like that you allow me to online shop.
Speaker 2:I don't allow you to do it. Well, you don't give me that part of it. I don't know that you do it. It's more so the next day. I'm like, hey, did you buy something? Yeah? Okay, did you check what was on the card. No, do you think you could do it next time? Okay, i'll start checking.
Speaker 1:Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey Yeah you're right.
Speaker 2:No, yeah, i appreciate you.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. I appreciate you don't give me a hard time about it And I don't. Okay, i'm not spending like hundreds of thousands of dollars each week. No, it's like $10, $20 here or there.
Speaker 1:A day. No, no, no, no, no. Anyway, and my Starbucks, yeah, you roll your eyes at it, You scoff at it, whatever Scoff, but you don't give me a hard time about it. So I appreciate your attitude towards that stuff about me, right? I mean, i think my socials are really all my indulgences. I don't. I don't shop a lot, and if I do, it's for the kids or its groceries, right? Is there anything you wish I still did? Again, keeping it non-sexual.
Speaker 2:There's something that you don't do anymore than sexual. I can't even think of that. I feel like there's more things we do sexually Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay. This is like somebody will tune into the podcast and just fast forward a little bit.
Speaker 2:It's just like yeah, who got, who Really Um read it again Is?
Speaker 1:there. Anything you wish, i still did.
Speaker 2:Uh no. Yeah, I don't, I don't really have an answer for that either.
Speaker 1:I love that you wrote all these questions down here, Like yeah.
Speaker 2:I got them from reference points of marriage stuff, right.
Speaker 1:Um, what are-. So we'll ask separately what are your greatest weaknesses and strengths? So I guess you can answer for me, or do you want to answer for yourself?
Speaker 2:What are-? okay, hold on, so I would answer what your greatest weakness is. Maybe not.
Speaker 1:I'm going to pass one, maybe not You can do you.
Speaker 2:Your greatest weakness is just your attitude. You'd be a lot stronger if you fixed that. No, you do you.
Speaker 1:Let's leave it at that.
Speaker 2:Okay, strengths. I feel, like, you know way more about me than I know about myself. So what would be I'm fine with you pointing out all my faults. Okay, so you go for it.
Speaker 1:It's not all your faults.
Speaker 2:Oh, just my greatest one Just point out my greatest one.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, i don't it's going to take me a minute, just-. okay, your strengths are like you're very much a people person and you're very personable and approachable and a funny guy which like is just very attractive to all people, but it's effortlessly funny. So there's that. You're a very hard worker, like very, very hard worker.
Speaker 2:What's my greatest strength, though?
Speaker 1:That's the question. Oh, i don't know. I think all those collectively are like really, really strong points. There's not one that's like yes And I don't know. Weaknesses, okay, you what, it's not bad.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, go for it, I can handle it.
Speaker 1:You're not great, you're kidding me. Okay, you're not great, i can't even say that, i haven't even said it. Okay, you're not great with planning dates or meeting my needs of words of affirmation, but you are good at it when you do it, wow Okay. But you just lack the effort sometimes And I ask you oh boy, he's losing it. And I ask you, and you just it slips your mind or you just keep pushing it off until I get to a nagging point, and then you just do it out of spite. So, all right, did you want to point out my-. now I'm just gonna say you have to oh, whatever Strengths.
Speaker 2:Your strengths? eh, you care too much, you work too hard.
Speaker 1:You work too hard.
Speaker 2:I'm just saying my weaknesses and the way that they're actually strengths. Office quote Yeah, got it. Sorry for all the coughing, but Saff's forced me to do this while sick, so so maybe that's a weakness, just complete disregard for how I feel. Okay, your greatest strengths oh, so many strengths to pick from, but your greatest one, eh, your greatest I mean you can do a collective amount. I did that for you, so it's okay, no, i answered the questions as they were asked. Okay, greatest, i would say your greatest strength is how caring you are.
Speaker 1:I knew you were gonna say that.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'll change it. Your weakness is a no at all.
Speaker 1:It's not even true.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you don't have a weakness, one. I'm not doing your weakness. Okay, you can come up with your own, because all I need after the podcast break. All right, love you, good night.
Speaker 1:Love you, so that weakness thing that you're talking about oh my gosh, Fine, we'll leave it at whatever.
Speaker 2:No, you have to say a weakness. I have to say a weakness, 100%. You said like seven of mine.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm too much of a perfectionist. I like to be in control of the situation, and if it doesn't go the way that I would do it or whatever, then I get frustrated. You've taken the pressure off of that since we've been together, of just being less controlling.
Speaker 2:I've made you okay with imperfections. Yes, sure, if you want to put it that way.
Speaker 1:That's how it sounds. You still spun it. Let's just leave it. You're right. What are some ways healthy ways to initiate intimacy? Again, not necessarily sex. There's other ways to be intimate, although sex is one of them.
Speaker 2:Right, so probably just touch you sexually, probably a good way to initiate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's for the sex one. Yeah, for sure So it's about just plain old intimacy.
Speaker 2:Intimacy or into me. I see, yes, i would say no, correct me if I'm wrong. When I think intimacy, i just think of sex. Come on, let's just be real there. That's all I think of. That's okay. But another version of intimacy for you and I, i would say, is when we're having in-depth conversations, i just initiate Because that doesn't happen a lot. I'm just talking, i'll just bring up well, i'll watch a video on Facebook or something like that and then I'll just bring it up in conversation with you. And sometimes you'll converse with me and other times you'll just say yeah, and then that's it. But I enjoy the-.
Speaker 1:The conversing, the conversing.
Speaker 2:Today's episode is brought to you by Plum Dog Services, your go-to plumbing experts for all your residential and commercial needs. Whether you're dealing with a clog drain or planning a plumbing renovation, Plum Dog has got you covered. Servicing all around Central Alberta. Reach them at 403-588-2901. When it comes to plumbing, they truly are the top dogs. So just conversation is a good way to bring it to Missy, because I like hearing your thoughts and your feelings on things. It makes me feel.
Speaker 1:Yeah, i really enjoy dates, for sure Dates.
Speaker 2:If only I could plan them eh.
Speaker 1:I plan them. It's fine, But we just we really have the best times on dates, intentionally Yes, Because we're without our kids for like an hour and we just get to be in each other's company And we enjoy being with each other. Obviously, Right, If you can't tell. We actually really enjoy each other's company.
Speaker 2:It's a bubbly. It's not a.
Speaker 1:What does it matter?
Speaker 2:Well, it sounded like a can opening and we could do it.
Speaker 1:It is a can of bubbly.
Speaker 2:I know, but we're laughing and getting in there like, oh, they're sloshed, they're absolutely gone. It's a bubbly.
Speaker 1:We're sponsored by them, we're not sponsored by them, sponsored by the Sponsored by the Sponsored by the.
Speaker 1:Sponsored by the bubble bubble, yeah, but dates for sure, like our last one was just super fun and like we were just silly together and it takes us back to just like the reason we got together in the first place and what attracted us to one another and like, right, it just builds, continues to build, even though, like, we're building our life and our kids and our kids are our main focus right now and all the life stuff that comes with growing and developing and It's funny that Because you say it brings us back to like what we first were attracted to and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It's Because there's that one girl that I was interested in, right, and we were in a drive-thru together, and not every time I go through the drive-thru but most times I'll like, i'll try to make the, you'll engage with the person.
Speaker 2:I'll engage with the worker and just like, try to make them laugh or something like that. So I was talking with them and I was joking around and all this kind of stuff. And as we left the window Or as we left the speaker, she was just like, oh, you're being very obnoxious. And I was like, well, you're an idiot. So I was just like that. That was just kind of like, oh, all right. And then And we were I think we were dating already or when we were in that Tim Horton's drive-thru and I was like It's Jasey Hova, can.
Speaker 1:I get a couple of Tim's And the person was getting a good kick up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they were laughing and I think it was like it was you, felicity.
Speaker 1:Felicity And maybe Brandon. Was it Brandon? Somebody? I don't know.
Speaker 2:Oh, but yeah, it was just like He was like back when he was fun, he doesn't listen to our podcast. Nah F you, brandon.
Speaker 1:Love you brother.
Speaker 2:But yeah, it was just like can I get some Tim bits? Hova, jasey, beyonce And I was just joking around and you were like you were dying laughing and I was just like, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:That's good.
Speaker 2:That's it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you fully cut me off of my train of thought. I wasn't done, but that's. Yeah, i just thought that that was more important Next question Describe love languages and how we use them towards each other. So if you don't know what the five love languages are, they are physical touch, words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts and quality time Right. So what are your? What are your love languages?
Speaker 2:in the order, In the order Okay, hold on. So I would say Okay, mine have changed, because in the beginning it was touch and then whatever else.
Speaker 1:Not really anything else.
Speaker 2:Yeah it was just like All the touch, just touch me. Don't give me a gift, don't friggin do this or do that. Just touch me and I will be happy. But as our marriage evolved and all that, mine has definitely gone to words. I like words, good ones, yes.
Speaker 1:Of affirmation.
Speaker 2:I was like If I'm doing something that you appreciate it, or if I am working a lot or doing this or doing that, it's like you appreciate what I'm doing. And then it's definitely physical touch. Again, that will always be top tier. And then I'd say Gifts What was the other one? Acts of service quality time Oh. Okay, actually it would be touch and quality time And then gifts And then acts of service. I don't like when people do things for me.
Speaker 1:But you enjoy doing acts of service.
Speaker 2:Yes, I feel like there's your love languages And then the love languages that you project on to people, because it's like mine, is like That I do for people Is Acts of service. I love giving gifts. And then physical touch, because I like hugging everybody And that's it. Actually, it just hugs, it's no end. And then quality time, all that kind of stuff, but it's kind of like reversed.
Speaker 1:And how do you use them towards me? How do I use them towards you?
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:So mine are words of affirmation Physical touch, quality time, gifts, acts of service, or gifts, quality time, acts of service. You enjoy gifts more than being with me. No, okay.
Speaker 2:I just want to clarify For our listeners. I'm not going to say that, i'm not going to say that. I'm on the clarify For our listeners out there.
Speaker 1:So how do you use those? Are you tired A little bit? Why? How do you use those towards me? So, since Tyler has changed, which goes into the next question, can love languages change over time? Yes, they switch places, right, because they do change over time And they change each other And all that kind of stuff And it just depends, depends on things. So, yeah, in the beginning it was easier, i would say, because you were physical touch And as you grew and developed more. Not that you were lacking in character or anything, but I had to learn, or I'm still learning, how to meet those needs for you, right, like letters and stuff, or write you cards or whatever. But yeah, i do try really hard to be better. I think I more show you acts of service As a way of appreciation towards you For what you do, right, but it's not always what you want Right. I don't know, it's hard. It's hard, but it's fun to work through Because obviously you're doing these things For the person that you love the most.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And like I feel like I meet all your needs. Yes, very much So Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2:Was I supposed to?
Speaker 1:answer something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how you use them. That was my answer. Oh, how I use them.
Speaker 1:So How do you work towards my love languages? Like to meet the needs of them.
Speaker 2:Well, yours are. Yeah, you just said them. Words, physical Quality, acts of services, last Right, and then gifts Yeah, so Words Feel like I.
Speaker 1:You show me more than you say yes, i definitely show you more.
Speaker 2:I definitely show you a Lot more physical touch in the sense of like I'll always hug you, or like Touch you, kiss you or whatever be like all the time. But you crave words more and like I do.
Speaker 1:it's more just the prompting of like, if I make the effort, being like Hey, do I look pretty today? Do you like my outfit today? Like my makeup and hair is done?
Speaker 2:Did you want to say something like and it's like, if you it, not if you do, you do look good. But it's like when you put on that new dress or you do your hair without I Touch you. So it's like, obviously you look good because I'm wanting to have my hands all over you, so but it is one thing we figured out between the two of us is like he thinks those things I do.
Speaker 1:Like he thinks, oh, she's beautiful, whatever.
Speaker 2:And like I have to keep it to myself, yeah, he keeps it to himself.
Speaker 1:I have to stop and ask him be like, what are you thinking in the moment that it's happening, so that I can get it out of him and then I can fill my cup up?
Speaker 2:Yeah. So she'll just say, like, what do you think? I'll say, well, you look great, you look beautiful and all this kind of stuff. Um, so it's yeah, just kind of. I think it's a good thing to have your love languages and help each other achieve them. Yeah cuz there's times especially like after pregnancy and all of all this stuff.
Speaker 1:It's like during pregnancy, during pregnancy, or it's just like you're.
Speaker 2:You definitely just your first thought isn't to like touch your spouse, but it's just like, hey, you might touch me.
Speaker 1:It's kind of my love language and we're on baby number four, so clearly that they're still happy and healthy marriage. But right, everyone takes time after yes, yeah, classic classic kids. How has our relationship improved since we were first dating and then first year of marriage up to now? So we're coming up on what? eight years.
Speaker 2:Say eight. Yeah, so is that ten together?
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm. Ten years together for ten years. Yeah, oh crazy. Oh, let's call it.
Speaker 2:I Think it's only gotten better. I agree, i don't think there's been any downside in our relationship. I don't think there's ever been a point where We couldn't stand each other Well the dating.
Speaker 1:For sure was the honeymoon phase right and, like our, our literal honeymoon was our honeymoon phase As well. Right, and the first year of marriage was awesome. Yeah, like it was. We were kind of reckless, we didn't really plan anything, we didn't really so fun. Yeah, like it was. Just we were all over the place. We should have sat down for five minutes and been like, hey, we should plan a little bit for our future, but yeah, we know now.
Speaker 1:But yeah, and we never really had Hard times in the beginning of anything like, yeah, it was just easy right from the get-go, which is how it should be well, no, there was hard times in Life things in life snare, but I mean like when we met, yeah, and in our, into our marriage like a first-year marriage.
Speaker 2:Yeah, type of stuff. It was easy. Our relationship has never struggled.
Speaker 1:No, ever, no, we, never we have.
Speaker 2:We've never not liked each other, yeah, and even you've probably not liked me sometimes, but yes, but.
Speaker 1:I never stopped loving you Oh but, even in our hard seasons, because we've had plenty of those so far. It's only brought us together, like we've learned to build our foundation together right in it, in the struggle, because Otherwise you get ripped apart right, and then you grow apart.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, i would definitely say, in any situation, that's been Good or bad or anything like that, we've always tackled it together. Mm-hmm, we've never turned on each other.
Speaker 1:How does the dynamic of kids change things not?
Speaker 2:at all.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it changes for the best, for sure, because not every aspect, not every aspect, but in the, in the sense of like you get this whole new sense of fulfillment and love and like Overall quality of life. Yes for sure, because you have, like, we had our first born who was a boy, draven, and he was like you. I secretly wanted a girl first, right? just because Girls want girls, boys want boys.
Speaker 2:That's just how it is. That's not true. I didn't want a boy. Oh yeah, you didn't because every little boy that I knew sucked.
Speaker 1:What nothing? Let's just leave it. No I, there was no boy that I knew that you care deeply enough about to be like oh, you're cool Yeah that I was just like dang this like Cuz I walk.
Speaker 2:To be fair, there was nobody that Nobody in my life. Let me rephrase it No boy in my life. Like I didn't have any nephews, i didn't have any like young cousins and nothing like that. So there was nobody in my life and like most of the Young boys I knew like outside of church, family, all that kind of stuff. It was just like they aren't Awesome, like they are, they kind of are lame.
Speaker 1:Anyway, it's not anyway.
Speaker 2:It's not what I thought a boy would be, yeah. So anyway, we did find out what you were.
Speaker 1:Having a boy early, yeah, and I was secretly disappointed. You weren't secretly disappointed, you cried. I was secretly disappointed to everybody else. I cried in front of you and then, obviously, when we had him, we're like we are complete idiots.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah for not wanting him. And like we didn't not want him, it was more like we are so stupid for thinking we would want anything else but this baby. So, yeah, he totally like flipped our world upside down for the better, and like We learned so much from just being his parents from the get-go and obviously we've had two more since then and then another one coming, but it's just like, yeah, they've added so much to our life, even though we're exhausted all the time and You're a liar.
Speaker 1:Never I'm not exhausted Well okay, just don't make me tired. What makes you tired?
Speaker 2:Being sick makes me very okay Well that's, that's just current.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's right now anyway, they they do add and like especially going through the newborn stages and like how demanding they are for the mom especially. It takes away from The marriage a little bit, like the husband can feel like neglected Because you're just tending to the baby all the time and you're feeding the baby, you're getting up with the baby, all this kind of stuff, and then I really only felt that the first time. Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 2:I didn't feel that at all at the other time.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it just it does shift because your time is intentional and the more kids that you have, your time is split even more To make sure that everybody's good and then at the end of the night you got to make sure that you're coming back together.
Speaker 1:To be together at the end of the night and like sometimes we both just pass out I And that is what it is.
Speaker 1:Or sometimes we stay up late and we talk and have fun and watch a show or whatever. Like we, we have been more intentional about setting time together at the end of the day And we deliberately put our kids to bed at a certain time to be like this time, these, this time window or this window, whatever is ours to be like You're gonna get up early anyway, you're going to bed at this time and like we know we have to still deal with them as they, you know, have to get water, go to the bathroom, all that kind of stuff. But we still do. We still are intentional about Our time together at the end of the day Because it's our D frag time with each other. We don't really have it when we come home from work Or whatever, because there's kids and there's house stuff to do and there's food to be made or there's messes to be cleaned up or whatever. So It changes for the good in challenging ways.
Speaker 2:I Need to sneeze.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's not coming. Oh dear. Is marriage what you expected?
Speaker 2:I didn't expect anything. I don't know Anyone's piece in anything together from our previous podcast, but I didn't think much through yeah, i didn't think about what it would be like, what looking for a girl would be like. I didn't think about what dating would be like. I didn't think about like anything. I didn't think about nothing. So I didn't know what. I had no expectations for marriage and I and I I Think that's a great place.
Speaker 2:Yeah, i think having no expectations is a good place to be For some things yes but for your marriage, because it's just like I don't expect, i didn't, didn't expect anything of you. I was the night. Well, i expect her to be like this or be like this and do this and do that. It's just just like, hey, we're married, now We're vibing, let's just go day by day. Mm-hmm. So I didn't, i didn't have any explanation.
Speaker 1:I more so had, and like I know the movies are all glam and fake and Romanticized a lot and, like I did, i didn't have a picture of the guy that I wanted or anything, but like I Did romanticize the idea of like I can't wait to cook you all the meals every day after supper, like for supper, and I can't wait to clean your home, all this kind of stuff, and it's like so I had those expectations on things. I didn't necessarily have expectations on my husband. I'm more so was just like I cannot wait to be married because it's like It is the best thing, like you're literally married to your best friend, right, you get to see all the time every day and you get to like sleep with them every night, and just It's great. It honestly is a gift from God to get to do life with the person that Compliments you the best right so I Didn't have expectations but I did but like only good ones.
Speaker 1:So, and They obviously were realistic and if you don't have realistic ones, you're gonna get kicked in the gut real hard. Realistic ones when you do get married right, because when they say marriage is work, they mean it like every day is a choice to Be intentional about your actions and your, your words to words, your spouse and your kids and your home and all this kind of stuff. So yeah. What has been the biggest adjustment since being married?
Speaker 2:What's been the biggest adjustment? I don't know, i Didn't have again. I feel like.
Speaker 1:I'm going to single to married, but I know we had that. We had a good transition.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but that that's the thing is just. I feel like if you're not easygoing, it's tough.
Speaker 1:Because I feel like well, the older you get, you get more set in your ways, a little bit the older you get.
Speaker 2:But it's like, if you're real picky and it's just like the bed needs to be made this way, i get up at this time. I don't want to talk to anybody.
Speaker 1:You need to clean up your hat, your clothes and put them in the happer instead of on the floor.
Speaker 2:Well, it's just like don't talk to me till I have my coffee. Yeah, it's like, if you have so many things, i think it would be a tough transition, because it would just be like now you have to. Now you're trying to work this other person into your life. Yeah, whereas I, i was just so, i was just so easygoing that it was just like rather than you me trying to fit you into my life, it's like alright, let's.
Speaker 1:Make a new, make a new life, yeah together. So that was both our our minds about it.
Speaker 2:So the transition from date dating to engage to marry to kids the other transition It was, it's always been easy. I've never struggled with the transition.
Speaker 1:I know it sounds like we're pretty much painting a perfect picture of all this. It's not. It's not perfect at all, but like Going into things open-minded and being mindful of The person you're choosing to marry and live with and parent with, and all this kind of stuff, it's like you have to bend on some things I know I don't ever agree with. Like marriage is 5050, marriage is about compromise. I don't agree with those at all, because marriage is 100 100 at both of you give Towards yourselves and towards each other and towards your family. And like compromise is always somebody losing. That's not. That's not a healthy marriage. Either. Marriage is coming to an agreement about something, and that's what we always like get to the bottom line about when we have discussions or fights, or Or we're changing a plan of something, we always have to be in agreement about it. That's that's the bottom line of it. So, yeah, there, there hasn't been one specific thing of like we had to adjust this. It was just like right well, i've moved so many times.
Speaker 1:I'm just, i'm.
Speaker 2:I'm speaking purely Relationally. I like life's been rough and life has been tough and blah, blah blah. So we've there's certain transitions of like hardships.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hard chips.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which was like we Were an apartment that we went to like a house and then we couldn't afford a house, so then we moved into your parents place and then it's like, yeah, those transitions are tough, yeah, and we had to. How was that transition?
Speaker 1:We had to adjust. That sucked.
Speaker 2:Yeah, living in like a parents house who's well, it's not your parent like, even though they are now, but They it wasn't my parents house, so like falling under that Parent authority because it's their house and all that, and not that they ever made it feel like that.
Speaker 2:But it's just that's what it felt like. So my transition of, well, now I'm the head of a house and Mary to your daughter, but now we're in your house, so that's kind of weird. So it like that transition tough, but like, relationally. For us There was never a transitional period of like, oh, how are we gonna do this? like now she, she cooks food like this and I don't like this. Oh, that's just transition. How am I gonna do that? There was never, never, never relationally, never a tough transition.
Speaker 1:It literally is just all about communication, about everything I. There's no secrets, there's no hidden stuff. There's, there's nothing. We are open books to each other.
Speaker 2:I feel like if you're too high strong people, then you're gonna have tough time with transitions.
Speaker 1:You just You need to recognize if you are a person that you would want to live with, it's oof Like, honestly though it's true, like if you're uptight about certain things, you need to be like Okay, like I'm a little bit too crazy about this stuff, i need to just tone it down.
Speaker 1:Yeah if you were with you and you were crazy about that stuff and you were fighting with you about it, would you want to live with you, like That's what it comes down to, right? So, and if you recognize that about yourself, your spouse is gonna see it about you And they'll point it out And potentially point it out And that could be explosive.
Speaker 1:So just You suck. It's just being aware of what you can, what you need to like have control of and what you don't need to, because there's a lot that you just don't need to, right.
Speaker 2:So Swag.
Speaker 1:Would you recommend marriage, and why Would I?
Speaker 2:Yes, i would recommend marriage. And why? So you don't live in sin. Amen, amen, god bless. Thanks for joining in. Ba da, ba, ba ba.
Speaker 1:McDonald's Have a year away Burger King. Honestly, though, marriage is a blessing, and when you do get married, your relationship is blessed And you, honestly, can feel the presence of God on your wedding day, like I. It's indescribable.
Speaker 2:I can feel God in this chilies tonight.
Speaker 1:Is it chilies or Applebee's Chili's? Is it chilies? Yeah, so it's just. Why would you not want to be blessed?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Like that's just it, i That's what it comes down to Is like you want the blessing of God And you're committed to this person. What are you waiting for? Full sand it. That's why all of us you know, sometimes crazy Christians all get married young Because there's no point in waiting, there's no point in living in sin, there's no point in being like, hey, if I know that this is the person I want to be with, why, why do I not want to like live on my own? Or sorry, does that make sense? Why do I want to live on my own anymore? Right, why would I not want to be with that person? But let's Now here, let's say this Let's say there's these two people.
Speaker 2:They They grew up going to Destiny Christian Bible School. Is that what it's called? No, that's not what it's called. What's it?
Speaker 1:called Destiny.
Speaker 2:Christian. Is the school, destiny Christian school? Yeah, it's a Bible school Technically. What it be? No, anyways, let's just say they grew up their whole lives. They went to Destiny, which is a Christian school, and they went and did all this Christian-y stuff and all this kind of stuff and they were in love with each other and they're. They both turned 18 and they wanted to get married. What would your advice to them would be? Would you say, yeah, why wait? Go for it.
Speaker 1:I would say make sure you have everything you need to get ready to be married and make sure that you're ready to be married, because it's not a light load when you get married Right, and that you need to recognize the responsibility of becoming an adult. Quote unquote Is like are you ready to support your spouse? Are you ready to support a family? Are you ready to save for your future and work towards a house or whatever? There just needs to be goals that need to be set Right, no matter what they are, doesn't matter what they are. If you want to go to school, go to school. If you want to pursue a career in something, do that. If you want to, just I don't know Whatever. There needs to be goals, but there needs to be an agreement on it And there needs to be accountability.
Speaker 1:With whoever is in your circle of trust that you rely on for reliable counsel, you need to talk to them, and if people are giving you green flags, that's a good sign And obviously, if you both are in agreement about it and your family's in agreement about it, that's a good sign as well. But if you're getting red flags from people, it'd be like, hey, you're a little bit too young, or you should wait for this, or you should do this And it's from multiple people that you do trust their advice on. Then maybe you should step back and just re-evaluate Why. Why do I want to be married? Is it just to have sex, or is it just to be like? I actually do want to start building a life with this person and I want to work towards everything I can with them.
Speaker 2:I think if the only red flags that I was hearing is that you're just too young, i don't think that would. I don't think it would detour me at all. But if there was just like hey, you're still immature, you need to do this, you need to do that.
Speaker 1:If you have baggage and stuff you need to deal with, you need to get that dealt with before, because it will show up in your marriage And working on it in your marriage is 10 times harder than working on it before.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I don't think it's an age thing. I think it's a maturity thing Totally, because there's some people that got married recently and think the dude was 19. That dude's mature, he's ready for marriage, so it's not his age, so interesting.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just all, and we're not the be-all-in-and-all. We don't have all the right answers.
Speaker 2:It helps that he married an older girl, though, so put the blame on her. You're older. You should've known. That's what I did with you. That's a cheat code, fellas Date an older girl because anything goes wrong, blame her, she's more mature She should've known.
Speaker 1:Anyway, that is all for tonight, or day, depending when you're listening.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. But, I hope you enjoy it. Stop it.
Speaker 1:No, we're cutting it off right there. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2:She hit me, she's getting embarrassed now. She always does this when I do something Like. If I do something, that's like Risky. Risky. She'll always be off the mic and be like Stop, You can't do that Stop And it clearly doesn't work. She's like we're gonna cut that out And I'm like you don't do the editing and you're never around when I do the editing.
Speaker 1:So I'm not cutting it out, so thank you. Thank you for tuning in Again, if you want to shout out, message us, say hi, ask, we will shout you out. That sounds rude, but stop it, And maybe next week we'll do something fun and do the gift card giveaway. Who?
Speaker 2:knows.
Speaker 1:But you need to tune in, to listen, because who knows when we'll do it, and it shows up at random spots to give a code word.
Speaker 2:Yes, you're right So we already did June, didn't we?
Speaker 1:Technically, July is this upcoming weekend.
Speaker 2:Right Yeah, So it could be anytime in.
Speaker 1:July Could be anytime, because Ryan got his gift card. He did.
Speaker 2:So we're not lying, Just ask him. Yeah, if you see Ryan.
Speaker 1:But yeah, thanks for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Nice chatting with you.
Speaker 2:I wasn't chatting with them because they weren't saying anything back, or were you saying it to me? Oh, nice chatting with you, safara. We shook hands. Okay, Definitely.
